If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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