Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
