I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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