goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
