i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
