the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
