So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
