Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
