I like my sex mixed with concussions.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
