The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
