I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize