the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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