oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
