i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
