we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Randomize
