my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
