It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
