So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
