well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
