nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
