My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
