I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She said her name was "party"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
