You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
