at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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