Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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