Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
