we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
that is very illegal...i love you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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