I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
