Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
