Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He better not be in your backpack
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
