found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
