I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
