I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
