I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
