used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
ttyl tear gas
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
