Got a toothbrush?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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