Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
