There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
