I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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