I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
