It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Acid is not a monday night drug
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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