There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
