Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
