At least make sure they are 18
Why
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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