you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
