Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My room smells like vodka and shame
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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