we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
