I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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