check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My liver just broke up with me...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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