I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
