I've blown a few things in my day
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
