He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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