Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
