i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
