I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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