dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
